Oh Xenu will be angry. 

Nicole Kidman on the cover of the new Marie Claire…it looks nothing like her. Sigh. She really needs to stop. This of course is the interview during which she denies having had any plastic surgery. And has to bring up the issue – yet again – of her miscarriage and/or ectopic pregnancy as if to remind us that she is indeed a fertile human being and not a hermaphrodite, as rumoured. 

And yes. I have heard the one about your uncle who is a doctor who went to a conference about herms and they discussed Nicole’s double genitalia. Everyone apparently has an uncle who is a doctor who went to that conference. Everyone’s uncle also plays tennis with the man who delivered her as a baby who has confirmed she has both a penis and a vagina. 

Call me Cruise but until I meet the uncle, I’m going with female frozen body parts only. 

Beyond the ridiculous denials however are the interesting remarks Nicole offers about her children. Many of you have noted that it has been ages since the two older Cruise kids have been seen, given that we were so accustomed to photos of the happy family at soccer matches every weekend last year.

Some say they’ve reached a critical age in Church training and have gone underground to complete their lessons, deeply ensconced within the heavily guarded compound at Hemet.

Chills, chills, chills. 

As for Nicole and why she’s almost never seen with them – many believe it was part of their divorce deal. But curiously enough, the same people also note that when she IS with them, she is almost always photographed. Coincidence or conspiracy?

Nicole addresses the distance issue in the article blaming it in adolescence:
"When children are teenagers, they have a say in where they want to be. L.A. is a big draw, and I"m looking to get a place there so we can share more."

But when asked about their Scientological upbringing, Nicole bristles: 

"Yes, they"re being raised as Scientologists. ... I don"t want to go there." But why not go there if there is nothing to avoid? It is not a response Xenu will appreciate. Wonder how Tom will punish her…

F*ck I can’t wait for that Morton book! Exactly 8 weeks!