Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman was interviewed on the carpet last night and told reporters that that pillow she gave birth to is now reading the encyclopedia:

“She is smiling. She is reading the encyclopedia.”

Gran was joking… I guess?

Not really.

OF COURSE Granny would birth a baby that could read at a senior level at only 3 months. OF COURSE.

Nicole also said along with her love for Sunday, there’s also a lot of pain. You’ll note she threw in Isabella and Connor as an afterthought:

"At 41, it's more of a painful love. I look at that little girl, and I'm like, 'Oh, no, what's going to happen?' It's almost like my heart is stretching; I'm feeling all the muscles stretch with emotion. It's a beautiful love, but there's a lot of fear and pain for her life, and for Bella's and Connor's life.”

Gran went on to proclaim how protective she is on her children. That she’d do anything to keep them safe. To protect them. In the case of Isabella and Connor, this apparently means never seeing them:

"When it comes to my kids, I'm just like a lioness. I'm like, 'No one gets near my babies! That's why we chose not to sell photos of her. We just want to have our little cocoon."

Really?

Give me a f&cking break.

The entire Australian press corps was invited to her wedding. The invitation was printed on the front page of every paper. Every moment inside the ceremony was described in full detail to the media. And somehow the paps “found” them on their top secret honeymoon.

My Chinese ass they want a little cocoon.

What she wanted was more money than anyone cared to give her. Especially since her Sunday was going up against the Holy Twins imminent arrival. Everyone was saving up for the Brange.

My sources say what really went down was that she dangled her kid and she was lowballed. As such, she allegedly spun the story in a different direction. As they always do.

Various Granny photos from Flynetonline.com