Oh I see what you did there, Nicole Kidman.

Kidman covers the new issue of Harper’s Bazaar. The cover photo is terrible. This is what happens when you over-photoshop someone who’s been over-Botoxed. The result is frightening. The pictures inside however are much more appealing. It’s Nicole Kidman in fancy ass clothes hanging out at the monster truck track. There’s something hilariously irreverent about her ballerina straight legs looking intentionally out-of-place next to the rednecky-ness of the vehicles. And then of course the shot of the setting sun coming in between her legs…

I know I’m supposed to but I don’t hate it. Sorry?

Here, let me make it up to you with this quote that opens the article:

"I attach, I attach so deeply that it's quite scary for me."

Nicole is referring to the way she immerses herself in her characters. Imagine one of your friends saying this to you about her work. “Why the f-ck are you talking like that, did you go to a yoga class?” would be my first reaction. (Duana tells me yoga classes aren’t like this in Toronto but the ones I’ve been to in Vancouver, this is what happens: a lot of walking around the room saying hello to people and then quiet time to “reflect and self nurture” at the end. This is why I don’t do yoga.)

“Deeply” seems to be one of Kidman’s go-to words. She describes herself later on in the interview as “deeply shy”. You know who else says “deeply” a lot? Gwyneth Paltrow. In fact, pay attention, actresses tend to throw it around a lot, the “deeply”. “Deeply” as an adverb will soon be as meaningless as “absolutely”.

As for the sex part as referenced in the title of this post, here’s Nicole on how Keith Urban changed her life:

“He just gave me confidence through just being very kind to me and understanding me, opening me up to trying things, my sexuality, those sorts of things. (Keith is) more like an ocean; he took me out."

Not bad, Granny. Not bad at all.

Thank you for telling us that you and Keith like to f-ck with imagination and that it wasn’t all that imaginative with Tom Cruise. I prefer you this way, and wish you could show us more of that side of yourself instead of fronting like you’re natural and low-maintenance and require little production:

"I find standing and posing for photos very awkward," Nicole says, relating how she sometimes gets body makeup all over Keith's tuxedo. "Red-carpet truths!"

"I make sure to wear comfortable dresses," she explains, "because I want to be able to go out afterward and, you know, bend."

Interestingly enough, and totally by accident, the writer follows up this quote with a reference to one of Nicole’s most memorable looks -- Her most famous look is the now legendary chartreuse Dior dress she wore to the Oscars in 1997. "It's packed in a box with tissue paper, and it will be donated to a museum." -- and, as Bronwyn Cosgrave tells it in her book Made For Each Other (about the history of Oscar fashion), Kidman’s approach to that gown and her wearing of it afterwards was anything but “comfortable”. She tracked it up the Alps, for weeks she and Tom Cruise obsessed over every detail, including what colour she would wear her hair, and on the day of the event, she sat immobile in a limo for 2 hours so as not to crease the material.

It’s been 15 years but that’s the same girl who gets her eyebrows, cheeks, and lips injected despite how hard she’s trying to convince you that she’s a carefree easy spirit. A carefree easy spirit couldn’t have made it this far in an industry that destroys women. What were your sacrifices, Nicole? I’d much rather you defend and justify them instead of pretending they don’t exist. 

Click here to read the full article and see more pictures in Harper’s Bazaar.