It’s been 2 years since Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman married Keith Urban. Since Gran is such a private person, naturally the wedding was a very intimate affair, with a copy of the invitation made available to Australian press, the public invited to line the streets while her motorcade made its way to the church, and several journalists and members of the media invited to attend. Afterwards, an official photo was released and we also all knew what was served for dinner and dessert and where the couple was headed on honeymoon.

Did you know that to this day, we’ve yet to see a picture from Madonna and Guy’s wedding?

Just sayin’…

Sorry, I digress.

So Granny’s been married 2 years. As you would expect, People Magazine  has just printed a minute by minute breakdown of how they celebrated their anniversary.

First it was Starbucks, then it was lunch with civilians at Whole Foods. How very middle class. Sounds like someone is trying her best to endear herself to the folks in Tennessee. Very smart.

But what of this curious little interview with a local radio station.

On Tuesday Keith was on air with WSIX-FM and was asked about being in a birthing class which he denied. Then the phone rings. It’s Gran.

"Hi, this is Keith"s wife! Actually, Keith has been doing Lamaze lessons, he is selling himself short! He doesn"t know the name [of the classes] but he has been very good at it!" … at which point Keith sheepishly thanked “his wife” for bailing him out.

“His wife” then said she was stuck in traffic and trying to get there as soon as she could. So the DJ joked that he needed her to pick up a salad for him. She showed up 20 minutes later…of course the salad was in hand. A lovely gesture. Maybe Southern hospitality is rubbing off on her, even though it certainly isn’t warming up her face.

And finally…because this is your current favourite conspiracy theory… this is Gran last week in Chicago while “her husband” serenaded her for her birthday.

As you can see, it’s like the best pregnancy ever. Her boobs have not swollen, her face has not swollen, and she’s barely, barely gained any weight. In fact, judging from these shots, her bump actually looks SMALLER!

We should all be so lucky, non?