Kevin Federline Junior and his wife thought that maybe someone would care about her post-baby 50 pound weight loss after just 6 months. The only takers were the folks at the bottom feeding In Touch Weekly (only $2.99!) but definitely, definitely not as the main cover story, hell no.

Not when a concocted Bride Wars Jolie vs Aniston headline will fly off the MiniVan newsstands.

And so Tori Spelling’s thinnification was shoved into the corner, even with exclusive photos of her in a bikini, proudly showing off the results of her starving. But of course she had to get her body back fast. She married a piece of sh-t homewrecking philanderer who is now living in Hollywood, having mastered the art of golddiggery, with so many other options to choose from. And many of them don’t inspire dry heaving during coitus. We already know he would take off on a newborn in exchange for a bank account… as such, Tori’s had no choice but to get skinny again. A girl’s gotta cling, you know?

This is Tori yesterday leaving a hair appointment offending Balenciaga with her wannabe Nicole Richie imitation.

Photos from