I have not bothered to learn the reason P Diddy is here in Cannes. All I know is that he thinks he’s still the sh-t. As evidenced by his behaviour last night on the carpet at the Killing Them Softly premiere.

The festival assigns staff to manage the arrivals. Those who are expected to pose for photographers are gathered at the base of runway, facing the steps, to wait for instruction on when to proceed. On any given night, there are several films being presented at the Palais. The representatives of the film that shows in the Grand Lumiere walks last - in this case Brad Pitt and company. But the featured films in the other theatres deserve their spotlights too. Normally the carpet is only cleared for those who are actually there that night to screen their projects. All the other famewhores who just show up to pose in their dresses are sent through at a staggered pace, without special carpet clearing treatment.

So here comes Diddykins like he’s Marlon Brando. And when the carpet wrangler indicates to him that he’s now welcome to start walking, he waves his hand in the man’s face, almost laughing at the absurdity of his proceeding down the carpet while so many other civilians were in his way.

“I’m not going until all that is cleared.”

Who the f-ck are you?

Brad Pitt, who was obviously the main draw last night, didn’t even, not once, pose alone, choosing instead to be part of a group of people celebrating their movie. Diddy? Oh no, Diddy had to make it a solo mission at a film festival. YOU????

Sit DOWN Diddykins. A thousand times Sit DOWN.

Here he is fronting like he’s the king of Cannes at his yacht party last night. He’s here with Cassie. And not Cameron Diaz. More on this coming up next.