The Los Angeles City Attorney is my new boyfriend. And if he is successful in this case, I swear he’ll sit atop the Freebie Five for a month.

Paris Hilton is scheduled in court tomorrow. If you recall, she was pulled over, she blew the minimum on a breathalyser, they suspended her license and then she was stopped two more times for driving without permission. Authorities are apparently considering this a “flagrant violation of the law” and will be asking for a 45 day jail sentence.

45 days in jail!

Hollywood Ebola locked up for 45 days?

See? Everybody hates Paris Hilton. Because you know if this had been Drew Barrymore or Heather Locklear or Jennifer Garner or even Lindsay Lohan - anyone even marginally likeable - that celebrity would have walked no problem. And still, in this case, being Paris Hilton actually worked against Paris Hilton

Because someone wants to make an example of Paris Hilton. And perfect timing too – you recall the public service campaign public service campaign against drunk driving last week and the clay model of a dead Paris losing her life after her reckless lifestyle.

Clearly the Los Angeles City Attorney agrees. Please Goddess…please make this happen. And lock that piece of sh-t up for good.