Paris Hilton: Hollywood Ebola

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2006 12:00:00 June 11, 2006 12:00:00
You ever read that book The Hot Zone? I think I was 21, I finished it in one sitting and was too scared to leave my house. Bleeding through all 7 of your orifices within 48 hours??? Can you think of anything more frightening??? And the thing about ebola is that it is just so resilient. It sweeps in, causes a sh*tload of damage, and just before scientists can narrow it down, it disappears again, back into the rainforest where it waits and lurks, gaining strength for the next epidemic. Ebola will never die. Just like Paris Hilton. The sex tape, the drug use, the hard partying, the racist slurs, the car accidents, the wreckage she leaves in her wake, and still she survives, stronger each time, ready to unleash even more sickness on the celebrity landscape. And the problem is, for the first time ever, Paris is actually attached to a winning project. Goddess help us all. Gossips, it pains me to say this. Trust me, it does. But I cannot in good conscience slam her record and her video just because she’s a talentless whore with two loose lips flapping in the wind between her legs. I’m not going to tell you her song sucks when I don’t think it does. Because it doesn’t. Stars Are Blind is actually pretty catchy. Granted, she’s barely singing and it’s more computer than Paris’s own voice, but it’s a pretty appealing little track. Same goes for the treatment. Blond girl writhing on the beach with a hot guy, in black and white film, nice clothes, nice scenery – cliché, yes. But absolutely entertaining too. So far, the gays are loving it and I don’t think it’s half bad either. Except for the part when she’s trying to dance in between the palm trees. This girl ain’t got no rhythm. Still…it’s a decent song and it’s going to do well. More than well. It’s going to sell, gossips. I won’t buy it but some 17 year old will. As will all her friends. And the ones who don’t buy it will download it. And they’ll request it on MTV. Which means Paris will live. Like cockroaches and rats, Paris will persist. Because Paris Hilton is Hollywood ebola. And unfortunately, the only vaccine for her viral contamination is currently married to Britney Spears.

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