LOVE my home town. We fought valiantly against SARS. And we are fighting valiantly again against another deadly virus: Paris Hilton. Otherwise known as Hollywood Ebola who has been in Toronto shooting her piece of sh-t for a movie. Last week she hosted a party at The Guvernment. The way I hear it though, no one cared she was there, and her reception was so decidedly lacklustre that owners and the local paps had to “engineer” a frenzied arrival and exit to make it appear as though the Toronto club scene actually gave a rat’s ass.

And then there’s the porn shoppe, now forever known as the best porn shoppe in the city. Because this fine downtown establishment had One Night in Paris posters blazed across the storefront, using Paris and her black hole vagina to peddle their smut – a perfect pitch person for porn, non?

Unbelievably, Ebola took exception to the shoppe’s advertisement strategy and allegedly stormed the store on Wednesday in disguise, demanding that the owners take down her porny pics and warning of a lawsuit if they didn’t comply.

Ebola threatens Canadian entrepreneurs! Ebola vs Canadian business!

“You guys can"t use my image in a porn store. I"m going to call my lawyer and sue the (expletive) out of this place. I really want them down because they"re mean and this is not right. I"m really serious, this is disgusting. And I want the other ones too or I"m calling the (expletive) cops."

She then proceeded to damage store property by tearing down her pornographic artwork and ripping the posters to shreds before leaving in a snit.

Half an hour later, a man identifying himself as her manager walked in and begged for discretion, requesting that the owners keep the incident discreet or risk a lawsuit for defamation of character.

But how can you defame Paris’s character any more than she’s defamed it herself?

Of course the store owners did the right thing and contacted CTV News.

Besides, how can she object to a sex video from which she saw a LARGE SHARE of the profits???

Furthermore, if she is really so hellbent on selling a reformed image, why go out at Halloween looking like this?

It’s Paris the coked out waitress trick or treating with her cooch on a platter. Turn around and check out that ass. Ebola would rather show it off in Hollywood than help others in Rwanda.

A blessing for Africa – she’s not coming.

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