My friend Lorella alerted me to this as I am not an Ebola tracker, I don’t want to die.

They are weeping on the streets in Rio de Janeiro today as Brazil was taken out by the Dutch who’ve now advanced to the semi-finals. For Brazilians, anything short of a World Cup title is considered a pathetic failure. This is a national disaster.

And there is a reason.

The reason is Ebola Paris Hilton.

It has travelled to South Africa. And I warned you in Smutty Tingles a few days ago what that portended. Immediately upon arrival it infected the Brazilian team, tweeting photos as it posed with people wearing their Brazilian support. You see how potent that sh-t is? All it has to do is stand beside someone who’s standing up for your country. And they lose.

You people always think I’m joking. Oh Lainey, you’re so funny when you call it Ebola.

This is not funny. And this is no joke. Ebola is no joke. Ebola Paris Hilton is a disease, a snatch virus from a black hole vagina so terrible and so merciless, it can and will decimate everything around it.

New Orleans fans, they knew better. They guarded against it before the Super Bowl. They made sure that sh-t was not welcome.

But Brazil...

Your fans were too cavalier and irresponsible. Your fans f-cked with your opportunity. And Ebola just burned your country.

Ebola Paris Hilton is all of world’s evil in an anorexic package. When will you realise?