Victoria Beckham is in Cannes. Don’t ask me what official business she’s there for. Does it matter? It’s Cannes. As you know, the Cannes carpet is the EXTRA carpet. This is where, if you want to, you can do MORE. It’s excessive, it’s obscene, and no one there is going to judge you for it. Not when billionaires are docking their yachts on the pier and spraying passersby with vintage bottles of champagne.

So if you’re Victoria Beckham, what do you wear?

These days, Victoria Beckham only wears Victoria Beckham. And her line isn’t about feathers and lace and sequins all at the same time. So she went with a jumpsuit. Very understated. Like, oh everyone else is all about Try but I’m just gonna front like I don’t care that much. Ok, Posh. I really hate her hair though. That just might be me. I hate a loose updo with little pieces down the side. Given that she’s going monochrome with her clothes, why not take it all away with a severe pullback? These are times Vicky B fails to convince me that she is Style Vision. It’s mall hair on high end fashion.

Also attached – Julianne Moore in dramatic Givenchy, Anna Kendrick and Jessica Chastain, both in yellow, and Posh’s friend Eva Longoria in a two-piece that seems too big.