I read somewhere, I can’t remember where, that Alba’s ensemble last night was one of the best.


This is Jessica Alba, who is pregnant, in a no-colour Ralph Lauren, and I don’t see how this can be characterised as anything other than a mess. Look at that material. You know what that is? Go to Toys R Us. I have two nephews and a niece. I spend a lot of time at Toys R Us. And if you go to the doll section at Toys R Us, and not the new trendy doll section but the dusty cheap ass old grandma doll section for that bitch old aunt on your dad’s side, who always gets you the sh-ttiest gift all year, you will find the material that Ralph Lauren used to make Alba’s dress. In purple, pink, and silver, sure. But it’s the same.

That’s what Jessica Alba is wearing. This is a good thing? And the flea market tiara up in her head is a good thing too?

I don’t get it.

Kate Hudson, also dressed in no-colour, wearing Stella McCartney, of course, with trashy extensions, looking like she stepped out the trailer park having just discarded a cigarette, and if there was mascara running down her face because Billy Johnny yelled at her before passing out in a drunken stupor, I would not be surprised. It’s a small step up from Courtney Love. There. Now you see it, right?

Also with the flea market trickery in the head.

Everyone has royal dreams I guess.

And, you know, I’m going to say that and all you moms are going to freak out on me, but ...


If you’re pregnant, why would you want to put yourself in the colour of a blob?

Photos from Wenn.com and Stephen Lovekin/Larry Busacca/Gettyimages.com