You know if she could, Mimi would perform while reclined on a divan. You know if she could, she’d live her entire life reclined on a divan. She probably already eats like that, she’d f-ck like that, she’d sing like that, and she’d certainly try to dance like that, a melon popping up on and down on a sofa. Mimi is really solidly built. Which is why this fall, sustained in Singapore on Saturday, was barely a fall.

It was, maybe, a stumble. A slight stumble. But Mimi being Mimi, incapable of doing even her own walking, Mimi just the gravity happen. Just for an excuse to take a little break. Look at her face when those dancers come ‘round to try and lift her up. That’s the face of a Mimi who wanted to stay down and have a massage.

Instead however she summoned for an assistant to take the heels off. The confused assistant brought some water. I’ve told you this before right? That Mariah Carey needs to be fed her water? I’ve seen it happen. Mimi cannot hold a bottle on her own and lift it to her mouth. Mimi offers her mouth, and somehow water falls into it. Sometimes they place a straw inside her lips and she, grudgingly, has to suck. As you can imagine, she prefers the open and automatic pour method. It requires less energy.

It required something like 8 people to get those shoes off though. Several of them had to hold her and the baby upright. And then two were down below negotiating the footwear removal. It’s really the best thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. And the greatest gift a girl could hope for on her birthday.

Here are more photos of Mimi in Singapore for F1. Bet you this set them back at least a couple million. These days, when she’s pregnant, Meem doesn’t get on her feet for anything less.