This is not happening

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 27, 2011 08:00:11 June 27, 2011 08:00:11

I know we all wanted it to after the wedding just because, in the basest, basest terms, you could totally picture Hot Harry on a Horse getting down with Pippa Middleton’s tight, taught, perky ass in that white silk bridesmaid gown, right? Come on now. At the root of it all is always Sex. And we wanted Pippa and Harry to have sex. Or we wanted to believe in the possibility of them having sex. And this is why the tabloids keep insisting that “they’re almost dating” which is maybe the dumbest headline ever because what, exactly, is “almost dating”?

Unfortunately, according to Harry, he and Pippa are not happening. Harry was apparently overheard at an event this weekend telling people that:

“Pippa? Ha! No, I am not seeing anyone at the moment. I'm 100 per cent single. I'm working a lot at the moment, so dating and watching TV are the last things I have time for.”

Here’s the thing about Pippa – she, like, races triathlons and trains and gets all fitnessy all the time. There’s a discipline that’s required in those kinds of activities. I would know. I am surrounded by friends and family who are constantly marathon-ing and competing. It is STRUCTURE. And it’s not exactly the kind of lifestyle we all know Hot Harry likes to enjoy. This is why Chelsy was his mate.

Chelsy though doesn’t seem to be part of the action right now either. This is the way it is with those two. As I’ve said often, she’s his Camilla.

I’m curious though, per Hot Harry’s quote, what he considers “work” when he’s “working a lot”? Playing polo and presenting some trophies? Remember, he hasn’t quite shipped off to Afghanistan yet. Apparently Harry is considering making polo his official profession when he gets back from his tour of duty over there. Have you ever indulged in Jilly Cooper’s books about horse people? That’s totally Harry.

And then what? Will there be time for love?

Hopefully by then Leonardo DiCaprio will have tired of Blake Lively. And’s the Gossip Wish I’ve been trying to sell you on: Blake and Hot Harry. And then Hot Harry sneaks around with Chelsy. And their text messages are published! And Blake goes on tv and calls out Chelsy’s busted face!

Please. PLEASE if ever there was a Gossip Genie... I want this so bad.

File photos from and WPA Pool/AFP/

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