Prince William and Princess Catherine released their first family portraits yesterday. The photos are meant to be informal, in keeping with the “modern monarchy” style they’ve played so beautifully. Kate leaves the hospital not concealing the fact that she still has a significant bump. Will drives his wife and baby home. And now they’re posing casually in the garden at Bucklebury for grandpa Middleton, not a professional photographer, and they’re criticising his decision to shoot into the light, but, really, who the f-ck cares?

The pictures are lovely. They look so happy. Lupo is hot in the sun with his tongue lolling out of his mouth, like move it along you f-ckers, I have to go piss on my grandmother’s rosebush now, and Tilly, the Middleton’s dog doesn’t give a sh-t because she’s napping in a beam of light. So what does it matter that there’s shadow on their faces? Is this the Kardashians or are these the Cambridges?

And how is this worse than what Charles and Diana did…with the BOOZE IN THE BACKGROUND!?!

The only thing that would have made these portraits better is if Prince Harry had photobombed them while streaking across the lawn.