Prince William chose a partner who was well suited for the position. We’ve heard this over and over and over again. She trained for years. She passed every test. As I have written repeatedly, Kate is pragmatism over passion, much more so than her mother-in-law. And so, even though they changed the laws for her, in the event that she would produce for the crown a female, well, she went ahead and delivered a male instead. Catherine gave them a King.

A baby boy was born to the Cambridges! At press time, the name has not been announced.

The Queen returned to Buckingham Palace from Windsor Castle today in advance of the happy occasion. Thousands gathered outside the gates awaiting news on their future monarch. He was strong and healthy, weighing in at over 8 lbs which… erm…

How many of you have had conversations today about, like, hips?

Because I’ve had two. It started with hips and natural versus c-section because Mrs C was so thin but you’re forgetting she’s from athletic stock. NO problem there and besides, don’t they test for that sh-t when she submits to the fertility examination? Then the discussion became about, um, waxing or laser. And when, you know, how long ago that would have happened because Michelle was convinced that she would have been lasered as part of her preparation and maneuvering to become Queen.

F-ck Lainey, you’re so inappropriate.


You think they camped outside the hospital for 3 weeks waiting for a bird to drop off that child? THIS is what it means to be the mother of the future King. What they were doing, what we were all doing, is waiting for her to make work from her womanhood.

Now we wait for the official presentation on the steps. And who’ll be holding him when they come out. And of course what they called him. We get to play this game all week!