I screamed in the control room when the pool feed picked up Serenity arriving with Albert last night. Needless to say, this did not go over well since there are easily two dozen people in there trying to produce a live show. But there she was, all tragic and miserable, and if only Mother Angelina could rescue her, you know? If only.

I mean look at Princess Charlene. It’s been only 7 months since their wedding and already I feel like she’s aged 10 years. This isn’t helped by her dress colour and makeup choices, no, but there’s also heavy fatigue in her face, almost as though she’s exhausted by the sadness, or the duty, or the shackles. I just want to know what her eyes would look like with some joy inside of them.

In 1955 Charlene’s mother-in-law won an Oscar wearing a green Edith Head that many consider to be one of the best Oscar dresses of all time. If I could have scripted Charlene’s Oscar debut, I would have pulled an Edith Head out of the museum. There’s Hollywood royalty and then there’s legitimate royalty, and the combination of the two is supposed to be... a lot more exciting and, more importantly, a lot more FUN than this. At one point they cut away to Charlene in the audience and Albert’s head was obscured by someone in front of him, leaving Charlene in perfect position. Seemed deliberate to me.