Rihanna’s full length short film (the pretentious way of pretending it’s not a commercial) for Dior is now online. Am I a stupid c-nt for being underwhelmed?

Not that I’ll ever complain about watching Rihanna. I just feel like they’ve reduced Rihanna to 50% here. She seems restrained. Like she’s trying to be a model instead of just being… Rihanna. Why would anyone choose “model” over Rihanna?

The only glimpse we get of Rihanna is when she’s standing at the edge of the water in a wide stance with her cane, like a boss. And maybe 5 seconds of her strutting in the Hall of Mirrors, which has become a runway, but it goes on for way, way, way too long. Speaking of long… did we have to watch her walk up the entire flight of stairs? Also, what is it about luxury brand ads in that they always include a shot of a woman running away? Who decided that the sight of a woman fleeing in high fashion and heels is sexy?

Steven Klein directed this piece. So what I have to say doesn’t matter because he’s the artist and I’m just a laptop fraud. But these fraudulent eyes have tried very hard – 3 times in fact – to see more than just an amateur effort. And I can’t. That said, she looks great in the all glitter dress.

Attached – Rihanna arriving at Heathrow