It was supposed to be a quiet night last night at the Grey Goose party – the first of three this week. Dylan and I were planning on easing into the festivities. Not quiet, no easing.

We should have known when we walked in right behind Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman, inseparable all night. Sarah in person? GORGEOUS. Luminous skin, beautiful thick hair. SO pretty. Some people just look better in person. She is definitely one of them.

Then Jason Lewis walked in and was immediately surrounded by ladies. He’s less wrinkly right now compared to the last time I saw him. Pre Oscar touch-ups! Wearing a grey sweater, model good looks. Seemed like it was model central last night actually.

First time seeing Jamie Dornan in person. Keira Knightley’s ex boyfriend who flirted with Emma Watson after the BAFTAs a couple of weeks ago, also starred with Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette – heartbreakingly attractive. But little. 5 ft 8. TOPS, if he stretches like Pilates for 5 hours a day. Seriously they’re all short. Except Robert Pattinson. More on him later.

Sharon Stone was holding court in there. Say what you will about that crazy bitch…Sharon is keeping together NICE. I could hear her from time to time, laughing as she does in that queenly way, her voice carrying over the din of the dining room. And Sharon doesn’t walk. She sweeps. She swept out of there at the end of the night air kissing people left right and centre…including Dennis Hopper. Those two seem to be pretty fond of each other. At the AMFAR event in Cannes last May he mentioned how she calls to harass him to do sh-t for her all the time. Last night when he arrived, he made a point of going over to greet her. Hollywood friendships always surprise me.

So about Dominic Cooper. He arrived without Amanda Seyfried. The two are rumoured to be performing a number from Mamma Mia perhaps during the Oscars but something about scheduling conflicts…? Whatever. Last night he came with another blonde. Attractive. And tall. Taller than him. Dylan stood next to Dominic and said he was small like George Clooney. Dylan has a thing about George Clooney’s height after sidling up next to him a couple of years ago. Every time I mention George, his reflex reaction is always “wee”. He repeats it like 3 or 4 times too. Wee, wee, wee, wee.

Sorry, I digress.

Dominic and his blonde friend – rather affectionate but in a sisterly way. Seemed to know a lot of people there, was enjoying the cocktails, then spent the latter part of the evening in deep discussion with two dudes. Never took his pea coat off. In person he’s sexy in a kind of you’re-a-weird-looking-guy-but-it-works way. Seems very personable, social, you’d want to be his friend.

As for Robert Pattinson – he was having dinner with what seemed to be his manager/agent/business person (looked like the dude he was shopping with on Rodeo with the other day) and a group or 4 or 5 others, industry types. He was the youngest at their table. Smoked a lot, wearing a grey t shirt and black pants and no stains, nor was there a hat in sight. Didn’t move around the room too much (it was not a huge space), at least not that I saw, but remember, by this point we’re on 7 or 8 cocktails so were kinda preoccupied with our own drunken shenanigans which consisted of looking for Russians but this is another story…

Dylan did remark that Rob seemed loser-y (he actually used another word that isn’t politically correct) on a bathroom run. Interesting the way men judge each other. According to Dylan, Pattinson always looks clueless. He imitates it with his mouth hanging open, grunting like “ugh-ah ugh-ah goooo” the whole time. It’s hard to explain, I’ll have to ask if he’ll let me video and youtube it for you.

Anyway, what dudes find dorky, some women find endearing. I suspect if you’re a fan, you’d find his mannerisms quite attractive. He didn’t seem particularly dorky to me, nor was he the total sex beast that he is to many of you. And I know this because I’ve read your hilariously horny ass emails. For me, I’m neutral. Neutral is the best way to describe it. He’s neutral. But he has a sucky gait. A loping gait and a half shuffle. Not my favourite.

But here’s something to make you squee –

Some girls like chests, others like a great ass, some prefer arms, I’m a hand girl, and also…the back of the neck. It’s a tricky area. A neck too thick and it can be a dealbreaker. A neck too thin is pin head-y and weird. A neck with odd directional hair can be… I can’t even go there.

But the back of Robert Pattinson’s neck is perfect. His hair tapers to a lovely pretty peak and then it just stops. No strays, great skin, boyish but not childish. So there. That should get you cougars quivering.

Finally, I did run into Pattinson at the valet. He’d been texting. At this point he had on a black leather jacket and there was an young aunt-ish (your uncle’s second or third wife) looking lady with her arm looped into his and she was cold so he was like – come inside, warm up, you don’t have to stand out there, and I remember thinking to myself: is that how high his voice is?

Later on we saw him at the Standard. This is where I have to apologise. It was almost 1am. The blood in our bodies had been replaced by Grey Goose and besides, Dylan had a project and I’m always his wing-girl. So I can’t tell you who Rob was with or what he was doing. Will try to do better the rest of the week. You can stop hounding my inbox now.

Photos courtesy Grey Goose