Twilight. Are you ready for it?

Because if you think High School Musical is bad, it’s about to get a lot worse. HSM, for the most part, is relegated to children. Twilight on the other hand is all ages and universal. 14 year olds dreaming of vampires, and 30 something mothers of 2 spending all day on message boards fantasising about fictional vegetarian bloodsuckers.

Twilight lunacy can rival Brangelunacy. Look out. It’s coming.

This is the star of Twilight Robert Pattinson at the Hollywood Film Festival last night. As I’ve mentioned before, Robert is not my Edward.

Having said that, I’ve come to realise that just because he’s not MY Edward it doesn’t mean he’s not HER Edward.

Look at him. At that hair.

It’s affected, it’s contrived, and the ubiquitous broody young leading man pout seen also on the likes of Chace Crawford and LaBeouf – all part of the treacly lack of originality that defines Stephenie Meyer.

Her Edward then is just like her writing: vain, predictable, ripe with the aforementioned affectations and contrivances that seem to thrive in today’s pop culture reality…so of course he is Edward. He is HER Edward.

But the amusing part of it all is this: does he even want to be her Edward?

They say Robert Pattinson is a fine actor with fine work ahead, work that could be easily negated the squeals of a million fangirls and fanmoms who’ll classify him alongside Zac Efron.

Oh no I didn’t.

Oh yes I did.

He’s capable of much more than what you’re about to know him for, define him as…

But what does it matter? Twilight will make a sh-tload of money. Some of it will come from me.


I hate myself.

Photos from and