Robert Pattinson covers the new ESQUIRE UK. It’s good shot on the cover. But inside…

Those hands. Those weirdly delicate hands scraping his head, why do we need to see this? I interviewed someone recently with the same kind of hands. They’re the hands of the creeper in the horror movie who’s peering around the corner, the guy with the freak show dungeon in the basement of his house.

Anyway, here’s the part of the interview everyone is talking about – what RP had to say about Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders:

“Shit happens, you know?” he laughs. “It’s just young people… it’s normal! And honestly, who gives a shit? The hardest part was talking about it afterwards. Because when you talk about other people, it affects them in ways you can’t predict. It’s like that scene in Doubt [2008, in which Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a priest suspected of inappropriate behaviour], where he’s talking about how to take back gossip? They throw all those feathers from a pillow into the sky and you’ve got to go and collect all the feathers.”

He lost me with the feathers. Now I’m wondering whether or not he was referring to the part in Twilight 4 when he and Stewart had all the sex and tore apart the bed.

So he’s over it. Great. He’s over it because he’s older now and we all have f-cked up relationships in our youth. And that’s what’s probably most heartbreaking for Twi-Hards. Because no matter what really happened between them, this is the truth: the loves we have at that time in our lives are often not the loves that are forever.

The rest of the interview is mostly RP’s stream of consciousness, a constant babble he’s yet to polish. Oxymoron? Not necessarily. Think of how Robert Downey Jr gives an interview. He’s verbose too, that one. Always has been. But over the years, he’s been able to sharpen it to a point. Pattinson is still getting there. Which is why I’m not going to bother summarising it for you. He’s not boring, no, and he’s willing and present, certainly, but at the same time none of it actually lands either.

The only insightful part of it is when he explains why he’s decided to live in Los Angeles and not home in England. Sort of. Several times he discusses what his life is like, being papped all the time and followed. And how the paparazzi know where he lives so he’s had to make his world smaller. But still…

“My friends are all having kids and stuff, it’s a totally different life,” he says. “And I like people who want to actually make things and do stuff. In England, it’s so difficult that most people just give up.” So LA won out. “Just waking up when it’s sunny every day means so much to me,” he says. “I like the levity here.”


But he was attracted to that life for a reason. Then again, you can’t complain about the paparazzi and then, in the next breath, admit to choosing to live in the paparazzi capital either, can you?

Can we talk about RP’s blind riddle now?

“There’s so much I… it’s amazing how quickly people change in this business. There was one guy who’d never been on a movie set before. And after just three days, he was holding out his water bottle and waiting for someone to take it. Three days. Some people just have it in them…This actress was doing a scene in the bath and she kept complaining about the temperature, how it was too hot or too cold. So everyone pissed in it and put a bunch of bubble bath in afterwards so you couldn’t smell it! This stuff happens. That’s why I avoid asking for anything. I don’t want to get anyone’s piss on me.”

He could very well have been speaking anecdotally, especially since he runs in a circle of actors and LA types who know all about how these people behave. Like that infamous Sly Stallone “cup the balsa” story. But if RP wasn’t speaking anecdotally, and this is someone he actually worked with…


Send me your guesses.

My guess: Christina Ricci.

Click here to read the full ESQUIRE UK piece on Robert Pattinson.