Jon Stewart had the luxury of going first. And now everyone else is following with the same line of questioning. As Robert Pattinson makes the rounds on the press circuit to promote Cosmopolis, this is what they’ve been asking him. On CNN, on Good Morning America, they all want to know if Robert Pattinson is OK.

How are you?

Are you OK?

But of course what they’re really asking is:

What are your feelings for Kristen Stewart who cheated on you are you still together are you sad when did you find out did you yell at her did you talk to him how much do you cry yourself to sleep did you guys talk have you seen the pictures can we show them to you and analyse them with you on the telestrator?

Each outlet is hoping to catch Pattinson in a particularly revelatory mood, hoping that the innocuous question - How ARE you??? - will yield a new gossipy piece of information that can be blasted out in a loud Tweet...


Please. I won’t lie. I would do the same.

F-ck you media assholes, leave him alone! We just care about his work!


His work is actually improving now that he’s a cuckold, you know? Pattinson has confirmed two films since the scandal broke. And I’m told he’s been moved up the list of consideration for several more from opportunistic industry players eager to capitalise on all the goodwill he’s been generating. And none of those people want to hear him talk about his character in Cosmopolis. They’d all rather see him squirm and stammer and be endearing as he’s asked repeatedly - How ARE you, Robert Pattinson? You OK? You doin’ OK? That Robert Pattinson is an easier sell. If he’s smart enough to know this, and I hope he is, even better. Pattinson has shown us some very good game the last few days.

Attached - Pattinson out in New York last night (are those hips coming back?) and making the rounds today.