While Kristen Stewart’s dumb friends keep trying to convince people that Rupert Sanders only put his tongue in her mouth and stayed away from her vagina which is only medium cheating and not total cheating, Charlize Theron supposedly wants to kick Stewart’s ass. According to Radar Online, Charlize and Sanders’s wife Liberty Ross are tight. And Charlize can’t believe Kristen would betray her like this. Radar claims that Charlize is “furious” and somehow this is exclusive. Because otherwise you would have expected Charlize to be texting “YOU GO GIRL!” to Stewart from Namibia where she’s been working on Mad Max.

As for Robert Pattinson, PEOPLE confirmed yesterday that he’s moved out of the home he’d been sharing with Stewart. They say he’s in seclusion. He’s not been taking many calls either. A couple of directors he’s worked with, including Francis Lawrence, have been ringing and he’s not returning, obviously a wreck. It’s hard when someone keeps lying to you.

Stewart’s position is that what happened between her and Sanders was a “momentary indiscretion”, consistent with the message her team has been trying to sell since the scandal broke, with words like “fleeting” and a “lapse in judgment”, to suggest that this was a casual, insignificant, brief, and meaningless encounter (as if that’s so much better). But when she informed Pattinson of it on Monday night, he hadn’t yet seen the pictures.

The pictures and her version of the story, well, they don’t really match up.

There’s “momentary indiscretion” and then there’s driving around, scouting multiple make-out locations and spending hours in the car. Any halfway analytical person would have a hard time with those answers, especially after examining the photos:

But then why did you go pick him up in secret, Kristen? If it happened just once, why did you keep circling around, doing it more?

But if the photographer is making up the story and it was only just a 5 minute situation and you regretted it, how come he’s holding you from behind while the wind is in your hair?

If this was the first time it ever happened, and you had nothing to hide, and you didn’t plan it, why didn’t you two just go to a coffee shop and talk? Or why didn’t you invite him home?

And it goes on, in circles, around and around in your head. In his head. Trying to find a way, any way, to explain away her deceit, wanting so desperately, to believe the I Love You, I Love Yous, but the relief never lasts, and the sleep never comes and instead he’s imagining it over and over again and chain smoking and watching tv all night and trying not to call but really wanting to call only God, every time he almost does he sees her hand around another man’s neck...


Jessica Biel got over it and was eventually rewarded with an engagement ring.

Victoria Beckham got over it and was eventually rewarded with two more children.

These two are so young and intense, they might actually be crazy enough to try and fix it with a wedding and a baby.

Any predictions?