After a whirlwind week in Europe promoting Twilight, Robert Pattinson returned home to LA yesterday. Home. To LA. Boo.

Me I’m an anglophile. So of course I’d choose London over LA. But LA undeniably strips away all good things. Including accents. Kate Beckinsale was on Leno last night. Her accent is almost all gone. First the accent…then the cool?

As the newly anointed “next big thing”, it’s probably a necessity for him to be close to the action. Meetings, auditions, famewhoring. They’re calling him a possible heir to Johnny Depp.

Um. Please.

That statement is almost as wrong as this statement: Victoria Beckham eats.

And if Lindsay Lohan gets her hands on Rob?

It’s over. Before it began.

There’s also the issue of street cred. Here’s a kid who once aspired to singing in smoky clubs, won’t shower to be taken seriously, dared to kiss and rub another boy in an arty film about Salvador Dali and his mates…

But he has his own action figure. With TAINTED LIPS!

Thanks to Vanessa for sending this along. Apparently Action Figure Rob is on eBay right now at the centre of a ferocious bidding war. Click here for more information.

All this combined with the prospect of a lurking Lilo who is desperate for a new headline?

Boy, get the hell out of LA.

Photos from Splashnewsonline.com