One thing we do here at LaineyGossip is we try to cover gossip you can feel good about. Sad Smut is vanquished and you’ll never have to look at Aubrey O’Day’s face, etc. But I’ve asked special permission to pull you down into the sick world of reality TV today for the only show of the genre truly worth your time – I’m talking about RuPaul’s Drag Race.

The 5th season of the “search for America’s next drag superstar” began last night and, if you have zero gay friends on Facebook to make this obvious, let me tell you this is a BIG deal for gays. It’s required viewing at this point. If you’re a lady looking to strike up a conversation with the cool gay guy at the club this weekend, just ask him how he feels about Shangela!

While the show is hilarious, it’s also a seriously captivating and progressive voice in the fight for gay rights. RuPaul’s managed to expose the true artistry behind female impersonation AND our hang-ups about gender and sexuality. Plus, there’s a never ending stream of wonderfully esoteric celebrity guest stars (Busy Phillips, Elvira, Rachel Dratch). So in the spirit of getting you on board, here are my 5 Queens to watch for this season:

This queen’s place in the competition is controversial because her boyfriend, Sharon Needles, won last season but she’s really working a whiney-and-droll angle that’s fun to watch. Also, she “helicoptered” her penis during the premiere, so the freak factor is strong.

There are two kinds of drag queens: those who are accidentally fabulous and possess and innate off-beat charisma, and those who are just really f*cking clever. Detox is the second one.

Coco Montrese
Her wonky eyes and fake contacts make Coco look like she’d maybe murder you. Also, her backstory involves sabotaging people during a pageant. She’s Showgirls meets Lil Kim.

Lineysha Sparx
Have you ever seen a more beautiful man in a dress?

Jinkx Monsoon
This one is narcoleptic. For real.