I know it’s a real movie. We have trailers—proof!—that it’s a real movie. But the idea of Darren Aronofsky making a movie about Noah and the Ark seems like a parody. Like a fake movie from an SNL bit, like the Wes Anderson horror movie, or some kind of fan-made mashup. But it’s not. Darren Aronofsky really has made a movie about Noah’s Ark, and he doubled-down on the evidence, releasing two trailers yesterday for Noah, which is due in March 2014. You can watch the North American version here, but I’m going with the international trailer for this post because it gives a better sense of the larger story outside the classic Sunday school tale.
Russell Crowe stars as Noah, Jennifer Connolly is his wife, and Emma Watson is his daughter. Anthony Hopkins shows up to drop some exposition on us (so that’s what Loki did with him at the end of Thor 2), and there’s a vaguely Teutonic bad guy, complete with ravening horde. The problem with literal translations of Bible stories is that they’re so well-known they can’t help but feel generic. Every box you would expect to be checked by a movie about Noah and the Ark is checked: visions, celestial wrath, the ark, the animals, the rain and oncoming flood. (Boxes not checked: the inevitable incest and what did they do with all that poop?)
But the visuals are pretty great. I’m particularly into the color saturation and silhouettes. It’s easily the most distinct element of the trailer. Because while “Darren Aronofsky’s Biblical epic” sounds fake, in actuality, it looks like General Maximus cosplaying the Bible. Are we positive this isn’t an SNL skit?