Prince Harry and Ryan Lochte both partied in Vegas. At one point they partied together. If I had asked you last week who would come out of the weekend pictured cupping his balls and bent over with his ass crack on display, what would have been your answer?

The third in line to the throne or the Grand Poobah of Jeah?

While Harry is ensconced at Balmoral waiting on Granny’s judgment, Lochte’s the one on The Today Show being all wholesome and snuggling puppies. If there is a writers’ room somewhere in the universe where angels script our fates, those bitches have a wonderfully gossipy sense of humour. Also, that’s what I would consider Heaven.

Lochte, when asked about the Harry debacle, says he wasn’t invited up to Harry’s suite where the nakedness happened, ass-kissily claiming that he was “kinda happy” that he wasn’t because “I don’t need that”.

Oh bro! Did you just do that to a bro? Did Ryan Lochte just goody-goody Prince Harry? Did Harry just get goody-goodied by a grill-wearing dumbass? And the list of embarrassments keeps growing...