When Lainey asks me to write a Julia Roberts article I tend to know what I’m doing.   Find the most obnoxious comments, squee as I (legitimately) find the most positive spin on them, a winsome wink and a nod at the reader, job done.

But this Marie Claire article is not that. It is written by Ryan Murphy, and it is the most fawning, awful, obsequious, grody blowjob and I bet it would embarrass her if she ever read it. Honestly, it’s terrible. Read it!

So first of all, I hate when people are interviewed by other “notable” people because they really want you to know there are two people involved. The writer inevitably puts in “I” statements, and it’s awkward, and you’re like “Oh yeah, that”. You have to pretend to care about the writer as much as the subject, and if they’re unequal, as they often are, it’s exhausting.

Plus they have to justify the fact that they’re doing the exercise at all by being all “Well I remember when we did this thing together” to point out that these are people who know each other and it’s awkward.  But at least in most interviews of this type it’s not constantly “I tell her how wonderful she is”, “I tell her she should work more”, “I remind her what the best part about her is.”  

Are you not nauseated? Horrified? And in the end, here’s the key – this is what makes Julia Roberts Julia Roberts. Ryan Murphy is wealthy and successful but still turns into a fawning boy around her. Even after he’s worked with her. He cannot contain his inner Jr. High boy. It’s embarrassing, and while his fawning accolades may have some truth, they just come out so gross. I can imagine even she was cringing during this “interview”.

But if this is how it’s been for her for the last 20 years – can you really blame her for being a bit dismissive of various new people who come along? For “Who’s Natalie?”?  I don’t believe for a second Julia Roberts courts this kind of attention. (Lainey: my eyebrow just went up.) It just follows her. It’s why you have additional “supporting” quotes from Julianne Nicholson at the end of the article: “If I didn’t love her I’d hate her”. It’s so predictable and boring and I just don’t buy that it’s actually what Julia Roberts wants…it’s just what follows her.

It’s hard to be her.