This cover makes my life. The Mickey Mouse ashtray, the Red Bull, the reference to her underwear, and a clarification from the editors that reads:

This cover image is a composite photo. Britney did not pose for the picture. That, sadly, is not her body.


It’s the “sadly” that sends me over the edge.

Blender conducted an extensive investigation into Britney’s downward spiral, speaking with former colleagues and staff offering insight into where and when the Chicken got Fried.

Apparently her resentment began to build immediately after Justin dumped her. “Ever since then, she’s been mad at the world.” Which is typical. She cheats on him, he ditches her ass, and she gets “mad at the world”. Kudos to her parents for teaching her accountability.

And incidentally, that would be where most of the blame is heaped. This is why child stars get f&cked up so often. Because they become employees and employers instead of normal kids. Having said that, she is also a well seasoned famewhore. And it is not just the crazy that compels her to live life in front of the cameras.

Case in point – Sam Lutfi, her self appointed manager and confidant, called up Barbara Walters recently and she, naturally, revealed on The View today the details of their discussion. According to Sam, Britney is seeking psychiatric assistant for “mental issues which are treatable”.

But before you get your sad smut panties all in a twist, this apparently is news to the court – she’s been mandated to get help for ages and has repeatedly refused to comply. Alli Sims meanwhile tells People that she’s not worried. That Britney is dealing with a lot right now but that she “seems happy” and Alli thinks it’ll all turn out fine in the end. Perhaps because Adnan is out of the picture. Today he is out of the picture. Tomorrow is another Chicken Fried story.

Then again, Lynne Spears has landed. They say she’s in town to look after her girl… 26 years too late.

And so we’re back where we started. Britney is still a mess, she is still hitting up porn shops and coffee houses in the middle of the night, and she still has no access to her children…although whether or not she wants access to them is a bigger question.

It’s easy, yes, to blame the imbalance inside her head. There’s no question there are some problems there. But are those problems the only major explanation? Or are we so conditioned to see the good, and look for the good, that we are incapable of believing and accepting the bad, even when it’s the truth?

Selfishness is not a disease. And some people, as abominable as this sounds, are just too selfish to be mothers. I should know. I am one of them.