Sasha Answers: Another man’s baby

Sasha Posted by Sasha at February 4, 2013 17:20:11 February 4, 2013 17:20:11

Hi Sasha, I've known my boyfriend (T) for about 10 years now and been together on and off for about 4 years. We broke up again about 5 months ago and I had a one night stand with a friend of my best friend’s (let’s call him X), while I was broken up with my boyfriend.

T and I got back together about 3 weeks ago, and I found out a couple of days ago that I was about two months pregnant, and I’m feeling completely gutted… I’m keeping the baby, but I’m very anxious to tell my boyfriend about it…

We’ve always had plans to have a family, but that was supposed to happen later on, not when we’re both barely out of uni, and I’m still trying to figure out my career path… I haven’t told him about my one night stand, especially because he’s met X before, and doesn’t really like him, and things are now super weird between X and I… We’ve both been pretending nothing happened, and I haven’t told my best friend that I’ve slept with X either because she can be rather judgemental sometimes…

I don’t plan on telling X I’m pregnant either because really, I don’t know him very well, but he’s a real mess, who can be a real jerk, and he’s far from being father-material… I’m afraid to tell my boyfriend because even though we were broken up when that happened, I still feel like I betrayed him…

I feel like I’m running out of time and options… the “best” I’ve come up with is to wait a few weeks, and then tell my boyfriend I'm pregnant, so that there won’t be any questions as to who’s the father… I can’t think of any other options… and I don’t want to lose him…


You can keep secret all the hopes and dreams you want, but sometimes life doesn’t unfold the way you want it to and A, this is one of those times for you. So hold onto your drawers because your relationships, your career path and life as you know it is about to change BIG TIME.  

I’m not going to lie -- just imagining being in your shoes gives me the anxiety sh-ts, but the sooner you fess up, the sooner you can start wrapping your mind about what’s to come. It’s going to be hella scary, but you have no choice but to pony up and Lance Armstrong this muther f-cker.

I know your main concern right now is how your boyfriend is going to react, but the real meal deal is that you can’t control his reaction or his decisions.  If he leaves, he leaves.  There’s nothing you can do to stop him.  You’ve made your proverbial bed and he has every right to make his as well.   

Look, there is no denying that there’s some drama coming your way, but one way to get through it is by re-focusing on all the good that’s coming too.  Remember? The baby?  This is what’s truly important right now. 

Keep me posted! xx

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