Hi Sasha, I’m a gay, sexually frustrated teenager. Last summer, when I was a camp counselor, I had a confusing “situation”, with this guy, P. He can be funny, but he has trouble picking up on social cues and can also be pretty awkward. Anyway, while my camp is very touchy-feely and cuddly and most staff members have seen each other naked, people started to notice when P would always want to sit with me at the staff meetings every night, and would cuddle up with me, since I’m out of the closet. I didn’t think too much of it until other people started asking me about what was going on, and I told them "nothing", and then P told me that people had also asked him what was going on, and he wanted to make sure I knew he was straight. Fine. But we didn’t stop cuddling.
In the last session of camp, we work together, and share a cabin. And the cuddling continues, from staff meetings at night…to my bed afterwards. Where he continues to touch me, even though we're only in our underwear. Naturally, as a horny teen, I react. I reciprocate whatever he does, and as we’re spooning, I can feel that he is definitely…turned on. So I finally take it one step further, and jerk him off. This he is fine with, but won’t let me at this point kiss him or…anything involving mouths.
I knew at the time that it was unhealthy and wrong for me, since it wasn’t a two-sided relationship by any means. But I couldn’t stop doing it. And when I finally did hook up with other people this year when I went away to university, I couldn’t help but compare them to P. While it was nice to finally have people who actually wanted to kiss me, both guys I was with were out of convenience. I wasn’t really sexually attracted to either of them, and I actually remember thinking, “P was so much nicer to hold”.
Skip ahead to now. I just learned that I will be working with P again this summer (and thus, sharing a cabin with him again), So what do I do? T
Can someone smart please identify that part of the brain that makes us fall for unattainable people and then lobotomize the sh-t out of it? Great. Thanks.
We’ve all been there T, and while your situation seems more complicated than most, the common denominator is the same: Dude is not down. I’m sure you’ve probably spent the last year dreaming up all kinds of scenarios where this magically works out, but I promise you, it won't happen. Think about it: how can a person actively register another's existence when they haven’t figured out their own? It’s just not possible. And I think we can both agree here that P is a long way off from figuring himself out, let alone his sexual orientation.
So T, here’s your wake-up call: you’re being used. Now, I don’t think P is intentionally trying to f-ck with you, but it is still what’s happening, right? No matter how many amazing HJs, BJs or whateverJs, you give him, if he’s not ready to come out, well, then he’s not.
Look, unless you go back this summer and he’s all out like a RuPaul Drag Race you’re still in the same crap situation. And trust me, while that whole Pretty Woman no kissing sh-t was kind of hot last summer, it’s going to be one big boner crusher this time around.
T, at a certain point you need to demand more for yourself because other than some cabin cuddling, you’ve got nothing to show for any of this and frankly, that makes me sad. What it comes down to is do you want to find someone who’s willing and open to be with you? Or do you want to be kept a secret? If it’s the former, which dear god I hope it is, stay clear of him.
Hope this helps! xx And keep firing away your life and style questions my way to [email protected]