Dear Sasha, Let me give you some back story- About three years ago, while I was in college, I was in an abusive relationship. Even though I removed myself from the physical situation I was still in a difficult emotional place. Two years ago, I reconnected with this guy I used to hook up with while on vacation. I never really thought that it would be anything more than a hook up and I needed the distraction.
Now it's been two years and this "random" guy and I are still hooking up. He's become my best friend and has supported me through the most difficult time in my life. He listens to me when I'm struggling. He encourages me to say how I'm feeling even when it's difficult for me to do so. When I'm around him, I am so happy. I forget about everything else and I feel "normal".
I am in love with him, and I can't bring myself to admit it. I'm afraid that he doesn't feel the same way and I will lose my best friend. I don't know how much longer I can remain in this state of limbo. From the way he acts, I know that he loves me- but I can't distinguish if he just loves me as a friend or as more. What do I do Sasha?
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If you don’t ask, you don’t get. That applies to many things in life, especially when it comes to being in a fulfilling relationship. If you’re not getting what you want out of it, then you have to “ask” so that: a) there's a chance for things to change, and b) more importantly, that you make it known that you want something different in the first place.
I get that at the start you guys wanted to tread lightly, especially after your last abusive relationship -- which by the way, I’m so happy you got out of! But here’s the deal, if this goes on for much longer, you guys will be doing exactly what you didn't want to happen, which is damage to each other. You see that, right? Because L, you’re starting to itch, you’re starting to not like where you’re at with him, and if you don’t say something soon, this cute little relationship won’t be so cute any more.
Listen, there are only two scenarios here and trust me, you’ll survive either outcome. If he’s into it then congratulations and carry on with this wonderful relationship. On the flip-side, if he’s not, then yes, it will blow, but at least you know where you stand which will ultimately free you up to find something better. No matter what happens, this guy has been a blessing for you. He’s given you support, love, but most of all he’s allowed you to regain a little faith in the men of our species. Those are all good things, so even if this comes to an end and that’s all that comes out of it, it will have been, as they say, totally worth it. xx
