Sasha, about 1 ½ years ago I moved from NYC to Dubai, UAE, where I fell in love with someone I still believe is the “one.” He is Arab/Muslim, I am whiter than a ghost, bright blonde, and no religious affiliation. About 3 months into dating we had a discussion that marriage would be a tricky road b/c his family would not be on board, but that if/when the time came marriage was “on the table” (his words not mine). Cut to 6 months later, us happily in love openly expressing our plan to spend the rest of our lives with one another when his mother “found” him a wife.
He told his parents about me and they threatened to disown him if he married me... drama, drama, drama- now he’s engaged to the mother’s choice. He’s “known” her for 5 months, getting married in January. I have no first hand knowledge of a sex life with a stranger youre married to... but he’s giving up an intimate, and not half bad if I do say so, sex life. He tells
me they don’t have much in common, but that she’s nice, pretty, and his mom loves her. He says he’s happy because his family life is without drama now, his personal life is set allowing him to focus on his career, and one day he may love her. My problem (well, one of many) is that he continues to tell me he loves me, that he misses me and I suppose my lingering questions are
objectively does he still/did he ever love me, why/how does someone make
this choice, and is it appropriate to I hate him? As it stands now I oscillate between loving him, thinking this was a hard decision, and hating him because he is weak. J.
The f-ck?! This is definitely not an ideal situation. J, from the sounds of it you guys have been split for what, about 8 or so months? Now, I know you’re still fragile and all, but I’ve got to be straight up….you should really be further along in the grieving process than you are. So I’m here to shake your ass up.
I wish I could rationalize why he did this, but I don’t even know how to. Sure, religion and culture play a role here, but more than anything it sounds like this guy is still sucking off his mother’s teet. So if I were you I’d be thanking the heavens above that you’re not with such a pussy ass mama’s boy.
You can keep on torturing yourself with the whys and hows, but sh-t, does it really matter anymore? The fact is that buddy has moved on and is getting married to another woman. End of story. So what good does it serve you to know if he still loves you or if he ever did –the truth is you’ll never really know. So instead why not stick with what you do know for sure, and that is that it’s done-zo. If he truly wanted to be with you he wouldn’t have given up so easily. God, it doesn’t even sound like he put up a fight, you know?
So what you need to do moving forward is cut off all ties with him. No more phone calls, emails etc. Zip. Okay? Look, do I need to make you listen to Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ to get the point across? Of course I love her and that song, but like, you don’t want to be Adele here! Got it? L, I can’t let you be the one still sitting at home cradling your broken heart while he’s saying I do to his new woman. So buck up and let this wuss go!
(Lainey: Sasha didn’t ask me to but I decided to embed the Adele video. When I found the video on YouTube I noticed two things: the comments from crazy ass Gaga fans attacking Adele - why have fans mutated like this??? - and goddamn ad for the new Nickelback album which… how is this music???)
Sasha Answers: Don’t Be Adele
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