Hi Sasha, My problem is really all your fault. You said the best place to meet people was online, so I went online. I had a number of lackluster dates before meeting a guy that is pretty awesome.

Now the online dating site has match questions to determine our compatibility. I don't usually check people's answers but since things are going well with this guy, I decided to see what his answers to the questions were. Sasha, he is way kinkier than me. I'm still a virgin, but think I'm ready once I start my next serious relationship. He, on the other hand, is into bondage, role playing, slapping, etc. I don't want to get emotionally invested and then realize we are sexually incompatable. Can you fix this?

___

So I’ve found you a great guy AND I’m going to get your cherry popped -- come again, I’m at fault howwwwwwwwwwwww?!?!?!?!?

L, okay I get it, this would be hella intimidating for a lot of people. I mean, the thought of bj’s are enough to have my mouth wired shut for life, so rest assured, virgin or no virgin, this is a lot to wrap your mind around.

I do have to say though that just because a person is deemed to be freakier in the sack doesn’t mean that they’re going to murder your vagina in the process. Of course this guy is way more experienced, but that doesn’t mean he’s bad or will do bad things to you. And sh-t, L, this kind of kink might open you up to a whole new world that you love. Who knows…..  
 
The bottom line is that if you’re going to have sex with another human being you have to talk that sh-t out. Whether you plan to go missionary or strap yourself high up in some ass-spreading sling, there should always be a level of communication to make sure all parties are into it and willing. 

So L, if you guys get to the point in the relationship where things are getting out of your comfort zone or need to be taken down a few notches then don’t be afraid or embarrassed to speak up. Think about it this way -- you wouldn’t just invite someone into your house with no rules and let them f-ck up the joint, right? So, you know, same goes for your vagina.   

Before I sign off I leave you with an article I wrote not too long ago about BDSM – I hope it helps!
Thanks for writing in and for the rest of you, keep your LIFE + STYLE questions coming to [email protected].