Hi Sasha, So here’s the problem. I’m nineteen years old and am currently attending college with my best friend. My friend, C, has been my best friend for a little bit over 12 years-so most of my life. College with her definitely has its ups and downs. The ups? She knows me better than pretty much anyone else and understands when I need space and vice versa. We are roommates, which, surprisingly has worked out pretty great. We have a lot of fun together and I can generally count on her if I need someone to talk to or just relax with. The problem with our relationship is something I could never blame on her. When we go out to parties and such, or even just hang out with friends, everyone loves her and completely ignores me. Not only is C overly friendly and nice, but very beautiful as well. She is just so pretty. And of course, being the jealous bitch that I am, I absolutely hate her for it. As far as boys go, nothing ever happens with me. I am not unattractive but standing next to her? Forget it. Like I said before, obviously I can’t blame her for it. Our personalities are also very very different. I have an extremely dry, sarcastic sense of humor that most of the time people just don’t get. Trust me, I am not mean at ALL and when we go out I try to act as friendly and bubbly as her. I don’t want to change the way I am but sometimes I feel as though I need to do a 180 on my personality in order for people to like me. My life is pretty much miserable because of this so hopefully you can give me some sort of guidance, I desperately need it! HELP! –R
I know how it feels to have a Barbie friend. I grew up with one my whole life. She’s blond, blue eyed, skinny and “perfect” looking. Even to this day you can feel a room stop, and a few jaws drop, when she walks in. Was it totally awesome to be constantly overlooked growing up? No. But the difference is I never thought I was less than her. In fact, I knew the areas in my life where I was better.
That sounds bad, right? Well, it shouldn’t. We spend so much time highlighting our shortcomings and failures that we forget how to give ourselves props. Look R, there is no bigger time waster on planet earth than comparing yourself to another person. There is simply no point to it because my friend, you are who you are and there’s no changing that. You are never going to look like her -- Ever.
Here’s the deal R - this might sound harsh, but I think you’ve got to buck up. Listen, you’re in the prime of your life and to waste it on some petty pretty-off is SO pointless. You can get all the face/boob/ass-implants you want, but if that doesn’t include a self-esteem transplant then you know what? You’re going to always feel crappy about yourself. And the f-cked up thing is that you’re the only one who’s doing it to you. The only person in your life that’s telling you you’re not good enough is YOU. So start letting go and stop being so damn hard on yourself.