Dear Sasha, My boss and I used to flirt together at work. But it’s always been over the table and really innocent. He’s very attractive, but he’s married, with a second kid on the way. A couple months ago, during one fairly drunken work party… ok, we weren’t wasted, but were both very tipsy, we ended up having sex. I honestly was disgusted with myself. I never thought I’d be caught sleeping with a married man, especially one with children, as I personally know how bad it can affect the kid, but it did happened and I wish I could take it back, but can’t…
We’ve talked about it afterwards, as our jobs are very precious to us, and decided that it was a one-time mistake that will never happen again. So things were going “fine”, until he sent me a very long text about a week ago, around 2am, saying that he’s been trying to forget what happened between us, but just can’t. That he thought he was happy in his marriage, but he’s finding himself less and less interested in his wife, and that he can’t stop thinking about me… he ended it saying that he wanted to talk, and asked when and where I could to meet up. I haven’t answered the text, and I’ve been trying (somewhat successfully) to avoid him at work (we don’t work on the same floor)...
I’m physically attracted to him, but don’t want to get emotionally involved in anything with him. I really love my job, and he could have me fired. I know I put myself into that mess, but I’d really appreciate any advice to get out of it. Thanks,C.
The rule right behind don’t f-ck your best friend’s dad is DON’T F-CK YOUR BOSS! And jeez-us C, you really just shat all over that one.
I know that for some people one-nighters go off without a hitch, but in my experience they’re always way more complicated. Sure, you were both there to scratch one out, but once you add an extramarital affair, children, and oh you know, a f-cking WIFE!!! well, ta-da, there are your complications. I just wish you would’ve had the brain power and the foresight before taking a ride on his dick.
But what’s done is done and C, the only thing you can do here is put a stop to it. This means you’re going to need to answer that text and tell him that this was a giant mistake - that you’re not interested and that for the sake of both of your careers and his *family* you don’t want to talk about it ever again.
Am I confident that this will end it for good? Not totally, but if you want even the slightest chance of this situation becoming remotely normal again, you have to try and disengage at every turn – it’s the only option.
Here’s the other thing C – it’s what you’re most scared of: he could fire your ass because of it. Is it fair? No. Is it totally illegal? YES. He f-cked up too, but this is the other complicated matter in your situation – he has “power”. Now I really hope this doesn’t happen, but if it does you have two options: 1) file for sexual harassment or 2) start looking for other job opportunities. That’s a decision all on you.
Look, in my opinion you were both shady mutherf-ckers and my only hope is that whether you come out of this scathed or unscathed you never ever mess around with someone who is taken. It’s not only poor form on your part, but damn, it’s totally against the sisterhood.