Sasha Answers: I keep cheating on my boyfriend

Sasha Posted by Sasha at September 25, 2012 18:06:21 September 25, 2012 18:06:21

Dear Sasha, I'm a horrible person, at least when it comes to relationships. I have been dating my boyfriend for a bit over four years now. About three years into the relationship, I got drunk, made out with a guy, broke up with my boyfriend and had sex with the other guy, only to find out the other guy was a total d-bag. My boyfriend never gave up on me and asked me to be with him again. I did but I paid for it. Fast forward a year later and we're doing much better... until he leaves for a trip. I met another guy, lets call him H, I think I might really like him but its only been a few days. We made out and tried to have sex but he couldn't get hard (there's a lengthy explanation for this). I think H might have some serious feelings for me as well but is obviously put off by my boyfriend situation (should I ask him how he really feels?). My boyfriend has since come back and all I can think about is how sh-tty I am for doing this to him all over again and to H as well. I don't know what to do. You have to understand that I have been with my boyfriend since I was 19 and that this is the only serious relationship I have ever been in. I need your help!

I want to make this as uncomplicated and as clear as possible.  Ready?


A, I could go on and on and tell you how disrespectful, sh-tty and unsafe all of this is, but I have a feeling you know that already.   What I don’t think you have a good grasp of is how selfish you are being.  Look, it is one thing to toss your goods around when you’re a single chick, but to do that on another person’s emotional dime is not cool at all. HELLO KRISTEN STEWART! 

And S, the fact that you’re more worried about whether or not you should ask “H” if he has feelings for you INSTEAD of considering the damage to your partner’s well-being is some seriously jacked thinking on your part.  You see that, right?  Listen, I get it that you’re young,  I get that you’ve only had one serious relationship and I get that making mistakes is part of getting to know yourself, but that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to be a dick.  

So today it’s time to learn your first big girl lesson:  If you want to have sex with other people, if you want to be free to like whoever you want, then don’t be in a relationship.  It’s seriously as simple as that. 

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