Dear Sasha, Nine years ago, I had a one night stand with a coworker. We also studied together at University, so we knew each other a while back. Then, we went on a work trip –to a Mexican beach– and ended up at a club. We both were drunk, and I was recently single. I was 31 years old and had been in a relationship for seven years (that didn't end easily), so all I wanted was to party and hook up.
So, we started making out and at one point he says: "If I didn't have a very good thing going on with someone I really care for, I'd continue doing this with you". I knew he was talking about B, a girl from the office whom I thought was his ex girlfriend. So I said: "I thought you had broken up", and he said "weeell, not really". Then I said something very stupid like: "well, she's not here and this doesn't mean anything". And then we had drunken sex and afterwards laugh about it.
When we returned to normal life at the office, we never talked about it again. Yeah, it felt weird but what felt really bad was to see B, because the two of them got together and because even though she's not my friend, she's a very nice and sweet girl. Today I have a dilemma: this guy and B are married and have two kids, they both seem very happy and I'm honestly happy for them. I've been in a very committed relationship for the last seven years, so everyone has moved on. But B has just sent me an email offering me a job (I work as a freelancer). Should I just pretend that nothing happen and accept her offer (it sounds great and, actually, I think B and I could make a great team), or should I decline because it would be another way of betraying her? I know that what I did was wrong and I'm truly sorry. But, I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable acting like nothing happen, and at the same time, maybe nothing REALLY happen. I'm very confused! G
I don’t think there’s a statute of limitations on cheating per se, but 7 years is a good chunk of time to come to terms with a major fuck up. Especially since you paint the picture that the lot of you have all moved on with life in a positive fulfilling way. Right?
Well, I’m not completely sold. Because G, you still seem to be carrying quite a bit of guilt over the situation, and while I give you props for holding yourself accountable for this blunder so many years later, I think that’s a sign that you shouldn’t take B up on the job offer. Had this sitch really been no thang, then you wouldn’t have written me. You know?
I think in order for you to even contemplate taking this job your mindset would have to be entirely different, meaning you would have to be totally and completely cool about everything that went down, because frankly, in order for this to work there would be no wiggle room for you to act sketchy, and I’m not quite sure you can pull that off. The simple fact that you say you’re confused signals to me that you’re not ready to be working alongside the chick you secretly f-cked over.
So G, if I were you I’d politely decline and find yourself another job opp. Got it? Good.
Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! xx