I’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year.  I’m in my late 30’s, I’ve done and tried everything and it makes it harder as I’m the last of my friend group to have a baby.  It’s been so hard and II feel like an outcast and as much as they’re supportive of me I can’t compete that nature is isolating me from what I want so badly.  Can you help me to get over this? How do I deal with the fact that I might never have children. I’m sorry to put this on you but I don’t know what to do.   B


I’ve selfishly held on to your letter for a bit B, because I was praying I’d have some good news to spill that would in turn give you some hope. Unfortunately, I don’t. I've shared your same situation for the last 18 months of trying and it straight up f-cking sucks.

It sucks having to have weird scheduled sex, it sucks having zero control over your body, and it sucks just being so f-cking sad about it. Oh and if dealing with your own sad sh-t isn’t punishment enough, you get to hear what everyone else thinks too, right? My fertility doctor makes me feel like my vagina will bottom out at any second, my naturopath thinks I’m “too high intensity”, and god, I really do adore my husband,  but if he tells me one more time to “not worry, it’s no big deal” I’m going to choke him out.

So yeah B, if you’re looking for some emotional empathy - trust me - I totally get the struggle and the deep, deep sense of failure you’re feeling. It blows. But sh-t, even writing all that down just now made me feel a lot better, so B I think that’s part of the trick – you gotta talk this sh-t out. 

There was a time where I was eating up all the shame, but talking with a couple of friends and even with random people has helped significantly. It’s been surprising as well as comforting to know that there are other women that are going through the same thing. It’s kind of the only thing I’ve found that makes this sh-tty feeling a little less sh-t.

You and I both know that the only thing that will truly make us happy is to finally f-cking procreate, but until then, I’m trying (and I hope you do too) not to piss away the days by feeling miserable. It’s a waste of time. So the only advice I can give you is to talk it out, feel the pain, and then pick yourself right back up again. In the meantime my fingers are crossed for you! Thanks for writing in and keep your questions coming to [email protected]