Hi Sasha, something recently really shook me up lately. I was at a nice club and a guy at a booth was giving us drinks and I think I was roofied - I remember absolutely nothing after that except for noticing a guy I was supposed to meet and giving him a hug. Next thing I know I wake up in the suburbs, without a skirt on and these guys are telling me they took turns having sex with me. I obviously left immediately, told the guy afterwards again and let him know next time make sure the girl's conscious before passing her around to your friends. He got defensive saying he didn't know (I don't think I was roofied by him) and I'm asking him what actually happened so I can process it but he won't answer. So, I messaged one of the guys there and they all start saying it's a joke - I honestly have absolutely no idea. I feel like something happened, they told a bunch of their friends, instagramed a picture with caption saying it was the top 3 craziest nights, apparently my friend called me and I couldn't talk since I was so gone and he took the phone from me, then wouldn't give my friend the address. I went to a sexual assault clinic and they said that they're not sure if they'd be able to see if it happened and only if I press charges. I have AMAZING friends and family who are furious and they're the reason I'm debating going to the cops and charging them. Sorry, for this long ramble. but I am scared that I'll invest a huge amount of time trying to charge them and they get away with it. I also don't want my dad knowing, even though I'm super close with him - I'm 19 and still his little girl so I would never want him to worry. Ah, I don't know what to do - thank you!
This is terrifying, L. I’m so incredibly sorry and angry that you had to go through this, but I’m happy to know that you’re safe and sound, and that we have the chance to talk this through.
Now what’s not clear to me yet is if you did get a physical exam at the sexual assault clinic. It’s important that they document any indication of sexual activity and it’s equally important for them to test you for any STDs. This is crucial, so please do this. Today. From there, the counselor and/or doctor can offer the correct steps to take when it comes to rape. Because, L, I have to tell you, from what you’ve told me, this sounds like sexual assault.
If you woke up, half dressed, with a room of guys telling you they had sex with you, and you didn't give them permission to, then there’s very little to debate here. The bottom line is that you were not in any state to give consent. I know they’re playing it off like it’s a joke now, but no one in their right mind would ever joke about something so twisted. It sounds to me like they’re trying to backtrack because they realize that they've not only massively f-cked up, but committed a serious crime.
Listen, I know the idea of pressing charges is overwhelming and scary. What they did to you was not okay, and please don’t convince yourself of anything different. If you decide not to do anything, by default they will get away with it. What you need to do now is start assembling your evidence. Make sure you keep all the texts, take screen shots of the Instagram pics, and anything else you can piece together from that night. What was the address in the suburbs? Who were the guys who were there? Write down their physical descriptions and everything you remember from the morning. Every detail is only going to strengthen your case.
The reality is that this is going to be complicated and really tough at times, so it’s very important to me that you have someone to talk through all of your feelings. I’m glad to hear you have such a great support system of family and friends, but I would also suggest finding a counselor or therapist to talk more in depth. I can sense from your letter that you’re still in shock, but the reality of all of this will eventually begin to bubble up and when it does, a trusted professional can really help you get through it all.
And to any of you who are going through something similar or know anyone who is, then I want to leave you with a helpful site here. There you’ll find a wealth of information from counsellors in your area to a 24 hour hotline.
Thinking of you and keep me posted. xx