Dear Sasha, Maybe you can talk some sense into me. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and I get extremely jealous when he even looks at another girl. Even if he looks at another girl on the internet I get so jealous, whether it is a random girl or a celebrity. I know its crazy of me but when it happens I act cold towards him and stop talking to him for a day. Whats wrong with me? Any advice.
Jealousy is a f-cking killer, not only a relationship killer, but a self-esteem killer, and that’s the big problem here K. You ask what’s “wrong” with you and the answer is that you’re deeply insecure.
I gotta be honest, if I were your man I’d run the other way because there is nothing more unattractive than a jealous person. Sure, I guess, it’s cute at the very beginning because jealousy can disguise itself as caring, but after a while, jealousy is just another form of control and power. And I’ll tell you what, that’s a piss poor kind of relationship to be in.
You can’t feel good about this, can you? Never trusting him, never thinking you’re good enough to have him and never thinking you could compare to all these other women. That’s such a negative thought pattern to be caught in, not to mention such a f-cking tiring way to live. Now K, the good news here is that it seems like you’re starting to acknowledge that your behavior isn’t working for you, so I really do give you props for that.
So how to deal with it? Well, there are a few things you can do to get yourself started:
First, you need to get to the root of your jealousy. What happened to you in the past that is shaping how you view yourself in relation to men?
Next, you gotta face your fears and realize that you don’t own him. Uncertainty is part of every relationship and you’ll never be able to control how another person feels. So lengthen the f-cking leash.
Third, and most importantly, build up your self-esteem. This one is a doozie and will take some time but start by doing things you enjoy outside of the relationship so that you’re not always looking for him to fill your void. Learn how to shift your focus onto yourself rather than onto other people. To get you on your way click here and here for some reads.
I hope this helps and keep me posted! xx