Sasha Answers: My Boyfriend is moving away

Sasha Posted by Sasha at March 5, 2012 21:01:04 March 5, 2012 21:01:04

Sasha, My boyfriend of four months told me that there is a good chance he will be moving to Vancouver in March (we live in Toronto) for a job opportunity. He told me this the night before he went on a trip to Whistler, where he will be for the next 10 days. I was shocked and didn't see it coming. He apologized for telling me right before he was going away but he couldn't keep it from me anymore. I told him that of course he should go, he needs to change up his career and that it will be great life experience to live in a different city. But obviously, I am heartbroken.

I know it must be so hard for him and I really feel for him and the huge decision he has to make. I told him that I will support him no matter what he does, and I really mean it but I'm really torn up about what to do. I won't be seeing him until he gets back from his trip, and it's hard because I just found out about his plans right before he went away and now I can't talk to him about it.

So, Sasha, I need your help. Do you think I should discuss breaking up with him when he gets back (if he decides to go) because it might be too hard to stay together, knowing that he will be leaving soon? Or should I stay with him right until he leaves? Sasha, he's the first guy I've ever considered having a future with and my first boyfriend in three years. I had so many plans for us and he did too. The thought of none of that happening really makes me sad.I would appreciate your thoughts on this,C

 C, if you’ve been reading my column you know how I feel about long distance relationships. Refresher:  They don’t work. But I’m no dummy, I know we all like to learn the hard way so there’s no point in telling you to break it off because I know you won’t. It’s too fresh, too new and you like him too much to say goodbye right now.  Fine, I get that.  So with that said, let’s talk about how the next few months are going to pan out. Assuming he doesn’t break up with you when he gets back from his Whistler trip, there are really only two ways this is going to go down.  
#1 The worst case scenario:
You guys will continue to date until he leaves. You’ll both say your heartfelt goodbyes and make your lifelong promises. You’ll talk every night for weeks and then you’ll notice every day becomes every two days until the calls get fewer and fewer. Cut to two months down the road - ring, ring – hello? It’s over.  
I wish I could dog him out for this, but the two of you are still so young and this is the time you’re supposed to experience life and take risks.  And if you feel like someone is holding you back from that - that person being you C - then unfortunately you get axed. I’ve been axed before, it doesn’t feel good but trust me you’ll survive and bounce back.
#2 YAY! The best case scenario:
Give the dude a month to really settle into his new digs; let him do his thing without any guilt trips. If after that month you two are still missing each other like crazy then go out and visit for a weekend.  If that goes well, plan another trip out in another 6 weeks. If after that you’re still lusty over each other then it’s time for the two of you to discuss the option of you moving out there.  
Now this is as far as my predictions go. I hope you both live happily ever after, but there are so many other variables that could steer it any number of different ways. I hate to get all cliché on your ass but too bad, here it goes:  if it’s meant to be it will be.
Fingers crossed that it works out! xx

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