Dear Sasha, My big brother's been seeing this girl for two and a half years and they now want to get married. They're both 26. A bit of background: she's the first girl he's ever dated, while he's her second serious relationship. Her ex is a psycho who divorced his wife for her, and even now regularly calls her and threatens suicide and stuff. She got out of that relationship only when the ex got married, and she immediately took up with my brother. I'm a big believer in people figuring their sh-t out before they enter into serious relationships, so I found it hard to take the relationship seriously, but well, it was his life and I butted out of it.
As an outsider viewing this, I can see clearly that they have big problems that they somehow think marriage will fix. They have very little in common except their immaturity. (I know I'm sounding super-judgmental here, and I really don't want to be... But the way they behave with family, friends, and even each other makes me wish they'd just grow up.) And a wedding with all its attendant planning and headaches, coupled with the long distance (They live in different countries) is going to bring a whole ton of stress.
My question is this: Should I say something to my brother? I've already tried tactfully suggesting that they take a little more time to iron out their differences, but all I got from him was an immediate reassurance that she was the love of his life and that he couldn't imagine ever finding anyone better. This especially worries me because just a week ago, she confided in me that she was considering breaking up with him. Yet, this week, she's set a wedding date. I can also ask my parents, who share my doubts, to request a delay in the wedding (They'll be organizing and paying for it) but that is quite likely to create a whole sh-tstorm. Still, is it any of my business telling him that, or should I just stay out of it and let them live their lives? N
If this was happening to my sister, I can say that without a doubt I would tell her exactly how I feel. And the reason why I would is because I know that there is no way she wouldn’t want my opinion. The same goes for me; I mean, I basically need her blessing to wipe my ass in the morning. That’s just the kind of relationship we have. So herein lies the difference between you and me because N, right now no one is asking for your opinion on this relationship. But WAIT WAIT WAIT, before you start mouthing me off just keep reading….
Now, if this was just a case of not liking this chick’s personality or you thought they fought too much or blah blah blah, then I’d tell you to suck it up, because the reality is that there are a lot of dudes who love themselves a crazy ass woman. But N, the red flag and now green light here is that she expressed to you that she didn’t want to marry him. That’s pretty sketch and I think it’s your sisterly duty to give him the heads up on this.
What he does with this information is up to him, but you can at least rest in the fact that at least you tried to warn him. That’s really all you can do. I hope this helps and keep me posted.