Hi Sasha, never thought I would be writing in but here goes - I am in my mid-30s and originally from another country but currently residing in the US.  My parents are married and still together back home - they sleep in different bedrooms - you need this information for context.  My mom asked me to look up someone's phone number on my dad's cellphone and while looking for it, I ended up accidentally seeing an inappropriate text message from a woman to my dad - I should not have done this but I continued to look and discovered a lot of inappropriate correspondence between my father and this woman (who thanks to Facebook I have discovered is much much younger than my dad and engaged to another person living in the UK). Reading these text messages I have no doubt that my father and this young woman are involved in an affair - right before we left our city, he had called her 16 times in the span of 10 minutes - my parents are with me at present for a vacation.  My question to you is about what my next course of action should be - my mother would be devastated if she found out about this - my dad is the type of person that everyone believes is "soo nice and soo good".  I have been in shock since I discovered this a couple of weeks ago.  Please please help.  D

I get squeamish just thinking about my own parents exchanging fluids, so imagining one of them getting down and dirty with some random is a hundred times worse. Ugh, I’m sorry you’re in such a sucky situation.

D, I have to ask, has it crossed your mind that maybe, just maybe, your mom knows the 411?  I mean, they’ve been sleeping separately for years, right?  So it’s possible that they have a little Free Willy arrangement going on.  I know that’s a tough one to wrap your head around, but there are some signs here that point to that.  You know… your dad doesn’t having his cell locked, all of his text messages are still there, he’s calling this rando chick when you’re all on a family holiday.  So, it seems to me that the person who isn’t supposed to find out what’s going on is YOU.  

Call me crazy but I don’t buy that your mom is that clueless and can’t sense that her husband of X years has checked out.  Plus, your dad is clearly not doing a good job of covering his tracks if an easy phone check gives away his blatant creeping, you know?  If you ask me I think they have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy.

Fine, let me guess, you’re not convinced of my theory, right?  Listen, you know your family better than I do and if you really think your mom is in the dark then I think you need to suss some sh-t out.  Tap into your inner Magnum PI and start asking your mom things like “dad seems a bit weird, are you guys okay?”, “are you ever lonely?”,  “have you ever worried that dad would ever mess around on you? “ I know these might be uncomfortable questions, but bite the bullet and see what she has to say.  You should get a good sense of where she’s at.  Now, if you still think she’s totally naive then I think you need to tell your dad what you saw and take it from there.  I just want to warn you, D, as soon as this happens things are going to get really really messy, so be prepared.  When this goes down, write me again and I’ll help you through it.
Now are you sure you don’t want to go with my theory?  Keep me posted! xx