Hi Sasha, I don't have a particularly original problem on my hands- my long distance boyfriend who I am super in love with and who is by all accounts super in love with me got blackout drunk and woke up naked beside a female friend. He confessed and is completely distraught and asking me if I can find it in myself to forgive him. I looked through your column archives to see if you'd addressed this topic directly but I couldn't find anything. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Am I being weak by forgiving him? S


Okay, fine, I may not have written about blacking out and waking up next to a naked body, but S, this falls clear as day into the category that I have a big file folder on: CHEATING. So first of all, let’s get on same page here: if you’re wondering if your bf did anything with said naked body, the answer is, f-ck yes he did.

Now neither of us know how down and dirty it got, but does it really matter? This isn’t a trick question because look, if you can rationalize a kiss here and a finger there, then by all means…..

I don’t mean to be flip about this, but I just don’t feel like wasting a whole bunch of words motivating you to leave this dude when I know that at the end of the day you’re going to “forgive” him and take him back. I see this sh-t happen all the time and I can tell that you don’t have it in you to make a clean break right now.

So here’s the deal. Go on, take him back, and in a couple of months come read the second part of my answer after this jump, okay?

Welcome back, S.   

Let me guess, it’s been tough putting the pieces of the relationship back together, right? You’re constantly wondering what he’s doing and who he’s with. You hate that you’ve become THAT girlfriend. The fights are getting worse. The distance has never felt so far. You still feel betrayed.

I hear ya – it sucks. I know you felt like you owed it to the relationship to at least try, but I think we can agree it’s time to pack it in and call it a f-cking day. The trust is gone, and with that out the window the relationship can’t last. So before his infidelity starts messing with your own self-esteem and how you view all future relationships...end it. In short: Don’t let his f-ck up f-ck YOU up, any longer.  

Thanks for writing in and keep me posted when you land yourself a better, more deserving dude. xx