Dear Sasha, so I’m kind of at a crossroads right now with my relationship with my boyfriend of a year (he’s 21 and I’m 19). I really love him and I know he loves me too but the problem is when we go out with friends he’s not very nice to me – he makes fun of me in front of them and often tries to shame me. I hate it, he says he just joking and I’m too sensitive. For example the other day he started telling people how shitty my music taste is. I don’t claim to have the best taste but to rip be a part for is so annoying. But on the other side when we’re at home he’s nothing but cute, attentive, and just a great boyfriend. I really am at a loss because Sasha I’m not lying to you when I say we actually have a fantastic relationship. Would appreciate any thoughts….T
At 17, Teen Sasha was one big ol' cow. I was so jacked up on zit cream that I was pretty much a constant asshole to my family. Eye rolls, grunts, a whole lot of “I don’t knows”…. so, y'know, a general barrage of neck strangling behavior.
One day though, I remember after being a ragey biatch, my mom pulled me aside and asked me why I was so much better to my friends than I was to her. Those words walloped me right in the heart. I had never thought of it that way and in that moment it totally altered the way I viewed my relationship with my family.
T, the point of my story is that most of us have, at times, treated the ones we love like crap. So, instead of ripping your BF a new one, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt here and assume that he’s just not fully aware of what he’s doing. That said, let’s give him one more chance. Okay?
What's hard to assess here is how dicky your dude actually is in relation to your sensitivity; but either way T, if you don’t like how he’s treating you, then it’s time to speak up and tell him how you feel.
Now it’s in your best interest to "have the talk" with him after one of these outings with his friends, but not so soon after that you’re still hyped on all your weepy emotions. So take a few deep breaths, cool down, get yourself centered, figure out what you want to say and then lay that sh-t on the table. Calmly let him know that lack of respect is NOT negotiable in the relationship and that when you’re out in public with him you feel dissed.
Here’s hoping that the concept is simple enough for him to grasp. If not, then hit me back up and we’ll go from there!
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