Dear Sasha, My ex and I met in highschool and stayed together for 6 years. We were engaged for the last 9 months of our relationship. I broke off the engagement about a year ago, when I found out that he repeatedly cheated on me, including with one of my dormmates, among many other girls.
I blocked all contact with him until about 4 months ago, when he started leaving me voicemails saying he was going to hurt himself, and that it will be on me. So I gave in and we started talking again. A couple months ago he made a move on me, I rejected him, and told him I was seeing someone else (I’m not).
Back in highschool, we made private videos that I made sure he deleted before breaking up with him. He recently told me he had made copies that he would send to my parents if I didn’t give him a second chance. I ignored him cause I really thought he deleted everything, and was just bluffing. Turns out he wasn’t. Apparently he sent videos to my dad about a week ago. I found that out through my little sister who still lives at home. She told me my dad’s really pissed and my mom’s very disappointed. I haven’t talked to my parents since, and they haven’t called me either. I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m very scared to call them or go home. I don’t know how to deal with this. I need your advice, please!
T, I can’t sugar coat this because you are in an awful situation, but the first thing you've got to do is buck up and face it head on.
The first thing that needs to be dealt with is your ex. He’s proven that he’s a manipulative f-cking creep and you need to promise yourself right now that you will immediately cut off all contact with him. I don’t care if he’s calling you from the top of a bridge – you will not indulge his threats any longer. Dude’s kept you in a holding pattern for far too long and you need to see that you’re stuck in a very twisted and toxic situation. If you feel like you’re not emotionally strong enough to commit to this then please make sure you find a good support system that can help you through it. You need to realize that he is a major liability in your life and here’s hoping this latest stunt has proven this to you.
Okay, let’s get to this whole video thing. Holy f-ck, that’s mortifying, but listen, they’ve seen it and nothing now can change that. So you have to be an adult, pick up the phone, and deal with it. Look, no parent wants to see their kid bumping nasties, but trust me, they’ll get over it. You’ll have to hear your mom cry, your dad probably won’t be able to look you in the eye for a year, but eventually things will go back to normal.
But T, the main reason why you have to deal with this is because your parents need to know that this isn’t some “oops you just saw me get peed on Kim Kardashian” moment, that instead this is a serious blackmail situation you are in with your ex. So please, stop reading this now and call them, and the police.
Keep me posted and thanks for writing in! xx