Hi Sasha, I recently threw a gathering where I invited all of my different groups of friends. One of my best girlfriends, who doesn't really know any of my other friends that well, got "really drunk" and did something I am pretty embarrassed by; she went down on a guy in the bathroom during the party and everyone knows.

I only heard about what happened through others talking about it, and didn't want to believe it at first. However, I have been too embarrassed to ask her about it directly. Most of my friends seemed appalled by it and called her a slut since she didn't even know the guy. All in all, I don't care what she does, but I don't think she is proud of it, and also feel like it is a reflection on me and who I choose to be friends with. I'm not trying to "slut shame" but I honestly am concerned about bringing her around my friends again. C


Look, if you want to suck a mean dick, go right ahead, f-ck, shove five in your mouth -  I’m all for it, but sucking a dick in a bathroom at a dinner party isn’t super. It just isn’t. Do I think she's a slut for it? F-ck no, but I’m not gonna high-five it either. And this goes equally for the guy in the situation too. That sh-t was 50/50. The two of them made a tacky call. 

Now before I get a bunch of your “slut-shamer'" emails, here’s my thinking on this. Let’s replace the dick sucking for a fart.  If I were to rip a wet stinky fart in the middle of a party would everyone be cool with that? I’m pretty sure the answer would be NO. Obviously farting is a natural, instinctual, bodily function, but much like wanting to tap some ass, there’s a time and place for that, and it sure as hell is not in the middle of a dinner party. 

So there you have it - that’s my opinion on the situation. I don’t think there should have been gummer at the party, but again, that doesn’t mean that I think your friend is a slut or should be ostracized for it. Which brings me to what I think about you and your friends….

You guys, yes, even including you C, are being total d-bags for isolating this girl. 

First of all, what kind of friend are you that you’re going let other people call her a slut? Why didn’t you stand up for her and tell them to shut the f-ck up? Also, how about the guy whose dick was sucked - why aren’t they outraged at him?   

So let me go back to the dick sucking vs fart thing for one more second. C, let me ask - would you cut her out and publicly embarrass her for letting out the latter? Would you think of banishing her from the group because of that? No. Right? So why are you doing that because she sucked a dick? That, my friend, is what you need to dig deep on and find the answer to because C, you say you don’t want to slut shame, but you are by definition doing just that. So before you check your friend’s behavior, you better check yours first.

Sure, she got drunk and got busy in the bathroom. Oops, oh well. At the end of the day, who really cares? Had you expressed to me that this spoke to a more dangerous string of behavior from her, well then, I’d offer up different advice. But to me this sounds pretty harmless. So unless you’re rolling with a bunch of boring nuns, slow your roll and stop being so judgmental.

Thanks for writing in and keep your questions coming to [email protected].