Sasha Answers: My friend just phantomed

Sasha Posted by Sasha at October 23, 2012 18:57:40 October 23, 2012 18:57:40

Hi Sasha, I have a girlfriend who I met through work.  In May of this year she moved interstate after a whole lot of sh-t went down with her family (drug plagued sibling) I can see why she moved she needed a fresh start away from her family drama and the city we live in hasn't got as many opportunities for the work she was looking for, I was happy for her but also sad since we had become very close.  This girl and another friend B (guy) and I were inseparable in the months leading up to her leaving the state. Not only did we help to organize her going away party including cooking, shopping, present buying, etc but we were there for her emotionally while all the sh-t went down with her family and work problems - I wont list all the nice things we did for her but there were plenty and what any good friend would do.

After she moved we still kept in contact but not everyday like before but that didnt bother me because I knew she was busy and I was too and thats life I guess! In our correspondence she never once asked me about my life, my work, my boyfriend, family. 

What's more, we recently noticed that she had deleted us from her facebook, we found out from a mutual friend that her account had been hacked so she needed to make a new one yet we havent received any friend requests.   What should I do? I want to confront her and ask her why?


Sometimes friendships can be as disappointing as romantic relationships. You think you know someone and then all of a sudden they do a 180 and turn into a gigantic asshole. So A, I’ll give you the same advice I would if you were writing about a boyfriend who phantomed out of your life in the same way: move on.

I know you trusted her and I know you invested a lot into the friendship, but you only knew her for 5 months so who knows what the f-ck she’s actually like, right? That’s not enough time to really get to know the deeper parts of someone’s character.  Maybe she has a pattern of ditching friends or maybe her family issues have really messed her up, or maybe she just used you for emotional support; sh-t, maybe it's all of the above. 

Listen, at this point all you do know for sure is that you were a good friend, and that’s that. Chasing her around for an answer, or trying to force her into being your friend is not going to work.  You’ve tried to reach out, you’ve tried to make the effort and the answer that is coming back is pretty clear:  she’s not interested. 

One more thing before I sign of.  Promise me that you won’t change as a friend, okay?  The last thing I would want is for her to spoil the way you act in the future.  You sound like someone who understands what it takes to be a good friend so I’d hate to know that she burned you out of that.

Thanks for writing in and I hope this helps! xx

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