Dear Sasha, I have been graced with the roommate from hell, and I should know because I have had some bad ones. I am currently in graduate school and in my final year. I am so stressed about graduating, finding a job, progressing on to the next stage of my life, etc. I work really hard all year round and the work level is intense. And my roommate is most certainly not helping. My roommate is so self absorbed and inconsiderate! Among other foibles, she doesn't clean up common areas, has overnight guests over without prior notice even after me asking, never takes out the garbage, leaves her dishes in the sink , etc. I can live with most of those things but the worst of her faults is not taking her affair elsewhere! My roommate has been slowly bringing this guy around( whom I just got introduced to after two months!), and I am subjected to their sex sounds in the morning, at night, sometimes at almost midday...and during finals week! It's the most awkward cringe worthy thing to hear. I am not a prude by any means, and I am not attempting to slut shame her or anything... but I can't help hating that I have to hear it ! And not only that, the sounds are distracting when I am trying to do work.   When I attempted to talk with her and her lover one time about and made subtle hints about the "noise" they make in... and they didn't seem to get. They just continue to do it. what should I do about this situation?



The top two complaints I get when it comes to roommate problems is not so coincidentally some of the most important things to our survival:

1.       Food
2.       F-cking

Now while both of these are natural human instincts, what isn’t natural is having to tell someone what and how they are allowed to consume said food or said dick. But that’s the bag ‘o sh-t that comes along with living with people - sometimes you have to engage in some really awkward conversations, and D, this is one of those times. But my advice to you is to be way the hell more direct than you were the last time around. Drop the wink-wink nudge-nudge crap and get to the point. 

You obviously can’t tell her to stop having sex, but you can tell her that there are times, especially when finals roll around, that she needs to put a plug in it.  So if that means moving her bed from against the wall or playing some music to drown out the cum shots, then she needs to do that.   

Now D, the goal here is to make sure you lay down the law without being a huge buzz kill. I get that all this bumping and grinding is super annoying, but it’s not like she’s trying to hate-f-ck this guy to piss you off. So it's in your best interest not to come at this situation all mom-like; instead let her know that while you’re all for her getting a daily serving of dick, you just need her to be cognisant and respectful that it’s messing with your studies.

Chances are once you have this conversation she’ll be so embarrassed that she’ll keep the noise levels down, but if not, I suggest investing in a solid pair of ear plugs. Thanks for writing in and keep me posted!  xx

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